So it’s been a few weeks since I’ve posted but that’s because two weeks ago, Link gave us the incredible opportunity to go to Kansas City and participate in something they like to call Urban Entry. It was an incredible and humbling experience. We got to serve at the Hope Center, The Kansas City Rescue Mission, and just in the community. There was so much diversity in just the housing street by street there. On one street, half of the houses would be boarded up or abandoned and two streets over, it’d be nice, middle class homes with families occupying each building. We got to take a tour of the neighborhood near the Hope Center and as we did so they told us their mission and what they are doing in the community to help make it prosper.
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This week will kind of be a throwback for those of you who are reading this from Linkyear right now. A few weeks ago we had Jefferson Bethke come and speak to us and he was incredible which is to be expected. Not only was he a blessing, but his wife and his daughter Kinsley, who is literally the happiest baby I’ve ever seen, were blessings to all of us. The whole Bethke family was so encouraging, joyful, and fun. Alyssa Bethke was the most precious and sweet hearted woman I’ve met in a long time. She gave all of the girls here at Link her book, Spoken For which she wrote with Robin Jones Gunn.
In our crazy unpredictable schedule here I’ve somehow found the time to read her book and wow has it been good. It has spoken straight to my heart and what’s going on in my life right now. I’m only about half way through it and there have been more than a few tears shed. Her book first explains that the Bible, God’s word is the most beautiful love story, the most eloquent love letter, and most relentless proclamation of love that God has given us. Jesus is in love with us. Think of someone who you know loves you a lot. Not get that love and multiply it times infinity. That sounds so cheesy to say, but I do not think that we have, can, or ever will grasp just how big, strong or awesome the love is that God has for us. This love story is the best of all too. There’s a knight in shining armor on a white horse and everything. The damsel can be a bit uncooperative though. She keeps running away from Him. She turns her back on him, sometimes intentionally, sometimes without even being aware she’s doing it, and sometimes she honestly does it in spite of him. But in the back of her mind she knows she can always come running back to him and he’ll smother her in tight hugs and swing her in a circle. Here’s the kicker. She’s going to run away again, and again, and again, and again. But He is her relentless lover, her untiring pursuer. I am the uncooperative, rebellious damsel and Jesus is my relentless lover. I love that Alyssa calls him that in her book. She says, “I think God is the relentless lover, and we are his first love. That’s why he never stops pursuing us. He’s not a vengeful God who wants to ‘get back at us’; he’s a patient, loving God who wants to ‘get us back.’” He’s pursuing us, constantly wooing us, trying to win our affections, get our attention. I literally am getting butterflies just typing about this. It’s so exciting! GOD WANTS US, HE LOVES US! There is no better news in the world than that. Jeremiah 31:3 says, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have drawn you with loving-kindness.” His love will never run out or go away, no matter how much we run away. He’s trying to draw us to him, so let him. Wow, this week has been so refreshing. It’s going to be hard to put into words, but I’ll do my best. Since getting to Linkyear, I’ve honestly neglected getting in the word on my own and spending time with the Lord every day. I had somehow convinced myself that I was “getting my fill” from doing my precepts, going to class, and having deep talks, but there was nothing personal going on in my relationship with the Lord. But, last week, our small group leader challenged us to re-evaluate how we did our quiet time and I was just like “I haven’t been having a quiet time.” But I wasn’t the only one. A lot of us had convinced ourselves that we were too busy or that we were getting enough of a filling from somewhere else.
So, in response to having that realization and getting bombarded by stuff from every side, the only thing I knew to turn to was the word and prayer. Restarting that correspondence between God and I was seriously like talking to a friend that I’ve been neglecting, but have missed so badly. And the Lord would reveal scripture to me that just blew my mind and the essence of what he was speaking to me through it has stuck with me every day. I’ve been reading through Romans lately and Friday I was reading chapter three and verses three and four say “And what if some did not have faith? Will their lack of faith nullify God’s faithfulness? Not at all! Let God be true, and every man a liar.” How awesome is that ?! Even though I was neglecting my relationship with the Lord and being unfaithful and wishy washy, He was still right by my side, the most steadfast companion. This comfort and realization has been so refreshing and it is seriously like a breath of fresh air. I’m able to breathe a little easier and know that I’m not going at this alone, even when I’m rebellious and think I can do this alone, He’s always faithful. Another great saying that we say here at Linkyear a lot is “It’s okay, to not be okay.” Up until today, it’s been just that, a saying, but, I realized that I need to really admit that I’m not okay. I’m a mess, a HUGE mess, and my self-righteous pride has been getting in the way of me realizing that. All the time, it is so hard and so heavy to try to carry the weight of trying to pretend to be perfect and only voice the most superficial of struggles. So getting to the root of the struggle, talking about it, and being vulnerable with others is how to let go of this weight. But, the awesome thing about being vulnerable, especially in a group, is that it is contagious. For example, this week in our small group, we were all being really quiet and just kind of stuck in our own heads, and the only person talking was Molly, our small group leader. So she asked what we were all thinking about and we were all quiet for a bit then as soon as one girl was honest and vulnerable, it turned out that we were all worrying/ thinking about the same thing. Then since we were all on the same page, there was just some great sharing and was definitely one of the best small groups we’ve had. So ultimately, I am going to work on being the one to take that first step to say something in being vulnerable and admitting that I’m not okay, that I’m prideful, and need to let go of a lot of stuff. I would encourage you to do the same. Pray about what’s going on in your life, be real with God, He already knows your heart and what’s going on, He just wants you to admit it. And find someone or a group of people you can trust and be vulnerable with. It’s less uncomfortable than you think. It’s honestly such a tangible relief once you’ve let go of what’s been putting so much pressure on you. So in conclusion, as the great Queen Elsa once said “Let it Go.”
Let’s start off this week with a small story. Okay, so every week here at Linkyear, we have western Wednesdays. We two-step the night away in the dining hall for hours, but what makes it so much more fun and exhilarating is that we don’t just two-step the same 1-2-1 the whole time, we’ve been progressively learning over the course of the past few weeks with the help of YouTube how to do some crazy fun dance moves. These moves include lifts, flips, dips, twists, and turns, few of which we actually know the legitimate name for (ex. “knee hoppy thing” and “floor twist” are probably not the real names for these things). But tonight in particular, we did a new lift that I’ve secretly always wanted to learn. Most of you already can guess the move I’m talking about. It’s the “Big Move” from Dirty Dancing. Yes, I attempted it, failed, tried again, nailed it, tried one more time, fell, and one last try, didn’t get above the guys shoulders. But if you have never attempted this move, you don’t understand how truly terrifying it is or can be. I was literally sprinting towards someone, hoping they grab me, and that I can jump enough to help them get me above their shoulders but not jump too much to where I over-compensate and jump over him. Before we tried it, I made sure to clarify where the guy was supposed to put his hands so as to not drop me or worse, crush my rib cage. But I knew I was about to be about eight feet in the air, completely trusting someone to be holding me up and not let me fall on my face.
Trust is hard, especially for people like me who are very type-A, independent, and OCD. I would much rather depend on myself than someone else who might do it wrong. Unfortunately, this is how I treat God a lot of times too. I try to micromanage my own life and make sure he knows where to hold me so that I don’t get hurt. But, the incredible thing is that, he always knows right where and right when to hold me, even if I have a misstep, he’ll catch me and change the choreography to make it look beautiful again. I should never have to ask, “okay, so whatcha wanna do next?” because that implies me leading. I will just follow Jesus and pay close attention to the soft words of guidance he tells me or the small movements of his spirit hinting at what he wants me to do. God’s got this dance we call life completely under control, he knows how to hold you, how to cover up your mess ups to make them seem like they never happened, and how to not let you fall. So trust Jesus, the greatest dance partner of all time. We met with our small groups for the third time this week and even though we are still getting to know one another, we got into some really good discussion this week concerning prayer. I left our little meeting feeling so encouraged to have such an incredible group of young women encouraging me, teaching me, and struggling right along with me. We have had some pretty mind blowing speakers that have spoken on incredible topics, but I left our group feeling completely mind blown and in awe of the immensity of all that God is. I am a very type A personality so not being able to understand something is very VERY frustrating to me, so a lot of times I get really frustrated when trying to wrap my mind around God because I just feel so confused and frazzled because my mind is trying to go a million different directions. So, as I was venting my frustration to my small group, they graciously listened, and then one girl shared the most relieving verse. It was 1 Corinthians 14:33 which says “For God is not a God of confusion but of peace.” So essentially, my confusion and frazzled mind were not of the Lord. He doesn’t want us to be confused or upset by the fact that we will never be able to completely understand him, but rather that fact should make us stand in awe of Him so much more. God is seriously so indescribable that our mind, the most incredible complex supercomputer ever made, could not contain all the knowledge of who, how, and what he is. If we tried to contain all that, our minds would literally be blown.
So, next time I begin to feel frustrated with my inability to understand God, I’m gonna take a step back, and just rest in His peace rather than my confusion. Standing in awe of him is so much more enjoyable than sitting in misunderstanding. So, I’m a girl, and girls struggle with gossip a lot more than guys do. That being said, Adam Donye’s message really struck home with me. The key verse that was used in the message was Matthew 12:34 which says “For out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.”
So for example: · Encouraging mouth = happy heart · Gentle mouth = loving heart · Controlled mouth = peaceful heart · Judging mouth = guilty heart · Slandering mouth = angry heart · Negative mouth = fearful heart · Boasting mouth = an insecure heart · Critical mouth= bitter heart · Filthy mouth = impure heart · Gossiping mouth = man pleasing heart Golly, that last one… me having a gossiping mouth means I have a man pleasing heart. Ouch. The reality of this has been brought to my attention since being here at Linkyear, I have realized that so much of what I did at home, I only did in order to please other people and make them happy. But if y’all didn’t know, people pleasing and gossip usually go hand in hand in the girl’s world. In order to fit in, we feel like we have to blend into conversation which most of the time is gossip, even if we deny it. So, what is the solution to gossip? It’s really kind of simple. But it’s hard and takes a lot of self-control. How about we just think before we talk? Let’s just slow down, think about what we’re saying, who we’re talking about, or what we’re talking about. Or even something easier to follow would be to not talk about anyone else at all. Eleanor Roosevelt once said “Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.” So, let’s enlarge our minds and have an intellectual conversation. Let’s talk about ideas, dreams, aspirations, motivations, or just what Jesus is teaching you. These conversations will be so much more beneficial than the juiciest of gossip. Fear. We all deal with it no matter how dauntless we may claim to be. Fears do not have to be big or universally intimidating. There's little fears like the fear of sleeping through an alarm clock, and then there are big fears or phobias like the fear of spiders, heights, clowns, etc. But the incredible thing is that we were not born with any of these fears. As newborns, we have two inherent fears and that is the fear of loud noises and of falling. So where did all these thousands of fears come from? Our culture essentially encourages fear, plants seeds of dread, and nurtures them into serious anxiety or fear. Our culture encourages fear through things like going to haunted corn mazes and watching scary movies. Every time we partake in these activities, we are teaching ourselves new fears. So, if we say we hate being scared, why do we keep training ourselves to be scared?
This past summer, my friends and I got in the habit of watching a scary movie after every hang out. We thought that it was all fun and exciting to get scared and scream at the screen, but I began to realize that after watching these movies, I would have just an inkling of irrational fear that a man with a chainsaw was going to jump out of the bushes while I walked back to my car or that I was going to walk into a room and there'd be a creepy doll sitting there just waiting for me. I know that last one sounds stupid, which it is, but thats the seed that "The Conjuring" planted in my mind. In my honest opinion, that is one of the better horror films I've seen just because it actually had a plot and good actors and wasn't just blood, gore, and terror. But, still plants bad seeds, so it's not my first movie recommendation. Anyways, since we're so full of irrational fears that cause an almost constant feeling of dread, where are we supposed to find any sense of comfort? The world cannot offer any sense of comfort from all these fears and anxieties. This is what gives us a perfect sense of comfort: "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the father of compassion, and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." ~2 Corinthians 1:3-4 Every time I read this verse, I just picture a little child, frightened to tears by something that the adult world thinks is silly. But in that fear, the child runs to her daddy's arms and he just sweeps her up into his arms and holds her until she's not afraid anymore. That verse has been brought to my attention twice since I've gotten to Linkyear as I've dealt with some things and struggled with some stuff. But when I've thought about it, God sees our fears, the same way that adults may see the little child's fears. They're silly and irrational to him, but he'll still sweep us up into his arms, comfort us with compassion, and conquer our fear. How awesome is that?! All we have to do is run to him, trust him, and let him hold us, comfort us, and protect us. So, let's put this into perspective. I think a lot of times when we think about God, we just think about Jesus, because he was tangible and was a man. In saying that, I think we forget about God the father, who is so enormous, infinite, all-knowing, and loving, that we honestly cannot even comprehend it. But this means that he is bigger than our fears, even the biggest ones. Fear of a broken heart? He's bigger than that. Fear of failure? That's minuscule next to him. Even fear of spiders? He created the spiders, so he's obviously bigger than them, so just chill with the yelling. So, every time an anxious thought tries to creep up on you or you feel scared, though it may feel like the biggest thing in the world to you, God's bigger than this, so just run to him, and just let him hold you. So, here at Linkyear, we have a daily inductive Bible Study that we simply call precepts. These Bible studies are not little 5 minute devos that you do in the morning, these things take 45 minutes to an hour each and there's no way you can go through these without letting your heart be effected. The biggest thing that this weeks 5 precepts taught on was Matthew 5:3 which says "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven." But the fire hydrant was really opened to me this week when my home church back in Johnson City, Tennessee pastored by Robbie Hilton streamed their Sunday service. I actually copied the title of this blog post from the title of this sermon.
In my Bible, I had the words "poor in spirit" circled with a big question mark next to it. I remembering reading this when I was about 13 and was so confused by the term "poor in spirit." Eventually, I figured out that the phrase was synonymous with humble, but I've always thought the even the word humble just meant, "think less of yourself and more of others," but ya'll, it is so much more than that. Being humble and poor means denying yourself and taking up your cross. But here's the catch, taking up your cross doesn't mean just carry it. Our calling is literally to just die. But we had the best instructor on how to die luckily. Jesus submitted to death on the cross. He died on the cross first to show us how to suffer, how to submit to the will of God, and how it's better to preach from a cross than from a platform. By that I mean, it is more glorifying to God to have a humble servant, screaming his good news, bleeding for His name, with no regard for themselves, rather than a masked spokesperson crying artificial tears, and screaming nonsense just to get attention. This is human nature; we want a crown of Gold before we've endured our crown of thorns. So humble yourself. A lot easier said than done right? Trust me, I know. It's a process. But, the fact that we cannot humble ourselves is what is hindering our ministry the most. The fact we think we deserve or have a right to be used by God is what actually hinders us from getting used by God. Pretty much, we think we have a right to a cell phone, so we think we have a right to a ministry, but WE DESERVE NOTHING. Every breath we get is better than we deserve. If we were all honest and admitted ourselves to be sinners, we would quickly find out that "the wages of sin is death." (Romans 6:23a) So the payment we owe ultimately is death. But the second part of this verse offers our redemption;"but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." So good news! We all got this gift! We were given this gift without us having to pay anything. The only thing we had to do was acknowledge that we were sinners, that we are in desperate need of supernatural grace through Jesus' blood, and die to yourself completely. How you do this is just spend time sitting at the feet of Jesus, soaking in every single word that he speaks to you. Do not read sentences at a time, read word by word. Slow down. You'd be amazed at the difference one word can make. Sitting and listening without interruption is the beginning of a humble heart and a poor spirit. So let's die with him, die for him, and let Christ live in us. Let this shell of a body be filled only with the Holy Spirit and let it act accordingly. But don't prolong the death. Just die already. |