Another great saying that we say here at Linkyear a lot is “It’s okay, to not be okay.” Up until today, it’s been just that, a saying, but, I realized that I need to really admit that I’m not okay. I’m a mess, a HUGE mess, and my self-righteous pride has been getting in the way of me realizing that. All the time, it is so hard and so heavy to try to carry the weight of trying to pretend to be perfect and only voice the most superficial of struggles. So getting to the root of the struggle, talking about it, and being vulnerable with others is how to let go of this weight. But, the awesome thing about being vulnerable, especially in a group, is that it is contagious. For example, this week in our small group, we were all being really quiet and just kind of stuck in our own heads, and the only person talking was Molly, our small group leader. So she asked what we were all thinking about and we were all quiet for a bit then as soon as one girl was honest and vulnerable, it turned out that we were all worrying/ thinking about the same thing. Then since we were all on the same page, there was just some great sharing and was definitely one of the best small groups we’ve had. So ultimately, I am going to work on being the one to take that first step to say something in being vulnerable and admitting that I’m not okay, that I’m prideful, and need to let go of a lot of stuff. I would encourage you to do the same. Pray about what’s going on in your life, be real with God, He already knows your heart and what’s going on, He just wants you to admit it. And find someone or a group of people you can trust and be vulnerable with. It’s less uncomfortable than you think. It’s honestly such a tangible relief once you’ve let go of what’s been putting so much pressure on you. So in conclusion, as the great Queen Elsa once said “Let it Go.”
Let’s start off this week with a small story. Okay, so every week here at Linkyear, we have western Wednesdays. We two-step the night away in the dining hall for hours, but what makes it so much more fun and exhilarating is that we don’t just two-step the same 1-2-1 the whole time, we’ve been progressively learning over the course of the past few weeks with the help of YouTube how to do some crazy fun dance moves. These moves include lifts, flips, dips, twists, and turns, few of which we actually know the legitimate name for (ex. “knee hoppy thing” and “floor twist” are probably not the real names for these things). But tonight in particular, we did a new lift that I’ve secretly always wanted to learn. Most of you already can guess the move I’m talking about. It’s the “Big Move” from Dirty Dancing. Yes, I attempted it, failed, tried again, nailed it, tried one more time, fell, and one last try, didn’t get above the guys shoulders. But if you have never attempted this move, you don’t understand how truly terrifying it is or can be. I was literally sprinting towards someone, hoping they grab me, and that I can jump enough to help them get me above their shoulders but not jump too much to where I over-compensate and jump over him. Before we tried it, I made sure to clarify where the guy was supposed to put his hands so as to not drop me or worse, crush my rib cage. But I knew I was about to be about eight feet in the air, completely trusting someone to be holding me up and not let me fall on my face.
Trust is hard, especially for people like me who are very type-A, independent, and OCD. I would much rather depend on myself than someone else who might do it wrong. Unfortunately, this is how I treat God a lot of times too. I try to micromanage my own life and make sure he knows where to hold me so that I don’t get hurt. But, the incredible thing is that, he always knows right where and right when to hold me, even if I have a misstep, he’ll catch me and change the choreography to make it look beautiful again. I should never have to ask, “okay, so whatcha wanna do next?” because that implies me leading. I will just follow Jesus and pay close attention to the soft words of guidance he tells me or the small movements of his spirit hinting at what he wants me to do. God’s got this dance we call life completely under control, he knows how to hold you, how to cover up your mess ups to make them seem like they never happened, and how to not let you fall. So trust Jesus, the greatest dance partner of all time. We met with our small groups for the third time this week and even though we are still getting to know one another, we got into some really good discussion this week concerning prayer. I left our little meeting feeling so encouraged to have such an incredible group of young women encouraging me, teaching me, and struggling right along with me. We have had some pretty mind blowing speakers that have spoken on incredible topics, but I left our group feeling completely mind blown and in awe of the immensity of all that God is. I am a very type A personality so not being able to understand something is very VERY frustrating to me, so a lot of times I get really frustrated when trying to wrap my mind around God because I just feel so confused and frazzled because my mind is trying to go a million different directions. So, as I was venting my frustration to my small group, they graciously listened, and then one girl shared the most relieving verse. It was 1 Corinthians 14:33 which says “For God is not a God of confusion but of peace.” So essentially, my confusion and frazzled mind were not of the Lord. He doesn’t want us to be confused or upset by the fact that we will never be able to completely understand him, but rather that fact should make us stand in awe of Him so much more. God is seriously so indescribable that our mind, the most incredible complex supercomputer ever made, could not contain all the knowledge of who, how, and what he is. If we tried to contain all that, our minds would literally be blown.
So, next time I begin to feel frustrated with my inability to understand God, I’m gonna take a step back, and just rest in His peace rather than my confusion. Standing in awe of him is so much more enjoyable than sitting in misunderstanding. So, I’m a girl, and girls struggle with gossip a lot more than guys do. That being said, Adam Donye’s message really struck home with me. The key verse that was used in the message was Matthew 12:34 which says “For out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.”
So for example: · Encouraging mouth = happy heart · Gentle mouth = loving heart · Controlled mouth = peaceful heart · Judging mouth = guilty heart · Slandering mouth = angry heart · Negative mouth = fearful heart · Boasting mouth = an insecure heart · Critical mouth= bitter heart · Filthy mouth = impure heart · Gossiping mouth = man pleasing heart Golly, that last one… me having a gossiping mouth means I have a man pleasing heart. Ouch. The reality of this has been brought to my attention since being here at Linkyear, I have realized that so much of what I did at home, I only did in order to please other people and make them happy. But if y’all didn’t know, people pleasing and gossip usually go hand in hand in the girl’s world. In order to fit in, we feel like we have to blend into conversation which most of the time is gossip, even if we deny it. So, what is the solution to gossip? It’s really kind of simple. But it’s hard and takes a lot of self-control. How about we just think before we talk? Let’s just slow down, think about what we’re saying, who we’re talking about, or what we’re talking about. Or even something easier to follow would be to not talk about anyone else at all. Eleanor Roosevelt once said “Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.” So, let’s enlarge our minds and have an intellectual conversation. Let’s talk about ideas, dreams, aspirations, motivations, or just what Jesus is teaching you. These conversations will be so much more beneficial than the juiciest of gossip. Fear. We all deal with it no matter how dauntless we may claim to be. Fears do not have to be big or universally intimidating. There's little fears like the fear of sleeping through an alarm clock, and then there are big fears or phobias like the fear of spiders, heights, clowns, etc. But the incredible thing is that we were not born with any of these fears. As newborns, we have two inherent fears and that is the fear of loud noises and of falling. So where did all these thousands of fears come from? Our culture essentially encourages fear, plants seeds of dread, and nurtures them into serious anxiety or fear. Our culture encourages fear through things like going to haunted corn mazes and watching scary movies. Every time we partake in these activities, we are teaching ourselves new fears. So, if we say we hate being scared, why do we keep training ourselves to be scared?
This past summer, my friends and I got in the habit of watching a scary movie after every hang out. We thought that it was all fun and exciting to get scared and scream at the screen, but I began to realize that after watching these movies, I would have just an inkling of irrational fear that a man with a chainsaw was going to jump out of the bushes while I walked back to my car or that I was going to walk into a room and there'd be a creepy doll sitting there just waiting for me. I know that last one sounds stupid, which it is, but thats the seed that "The Conjuring" planted in my mind. In my honest opinion, that is one of the better horror films I've seen just because it actually had a plot and good actors and wasn't just blood, gore, and terror. But, still plants bad seeds, so it's not my first movie recommendation. Anyways, since we're so full of irrational fears that cause an almost constant feeling of dread, where are we supposed to find any sense of comfort? The world cannot offer any sense of comfort from all these fears and anxieties. This is what gives us a perfect sense of comfort: "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the father of compassion, and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." ~2 Corinthians 1:3-4 Every time I read this verse, I just picture a little child, frightened to tears by something that the adult world thinks is silly. But in that fear, the child runs to her daddy's arms and he just sweeps her up into his arms and holds her until she's not afraid anymore. That verse has been brought to my attention twice since I've gotten to Linkyear as I've dealt with some things and struggled with some stuff. But when I've thought about it, God sees our fears, the same way that adults may see the little child's fears. They're silly and irrational to him, but he'll still sweep us up into his arms, comfort us with compassion, and conquer our fear. How awesome is that?! All we have to do is run to him, trust him, and let him hold us, comfort us, and protect us. So, let's put this into perspective. I think a lot of times when we think about God, we just think about Jesus, because he was tangible and was a man. In saying that, I think we forget about God the father, who is so enormous, infinite, all-knowing, and loving, that we honestly cannot even comprehend it. But this means that he is bigger than our fears, even the biggest ones. Fear of a broken heart? He's bigger than that. Fear of failure? That's minuscule next to him. Even fear of spiders? He created the spiders, so he's obviously bigger than them, so just chill with the yelling. So, every time an anxious thought tries to creep up on you or you feel scared, though it may feel like the biggest thing in the world to you, God's bigger than this, so just run to him, and just let him hold you. |